Need something that’ll get you giggling and in the mood for some Christmas cheer? Then pay heed to these snarky boyfriends and husbands.
They really know how to deliver quality comedy with these 75 sneaky boomer jokes, dad jokes, and all-around stupid jokes that keep their significant others laughing.
1. “My wife is pregnant, and we did a maternity shoot.”
Your wife is one handsome beast of a woman. That beard is absolutely stunning on her!
2. Henpecked husband in Home Alone for grownups
Take a look at this guy’s Twitter handle – Henpecked Hal. I think that pretty much says what his humor is all about!
“My wife left me home alone with the kids to go out drinking with her friends. A lesser man might whine and complain, but instead, I’m just playing Chumbawamba’s 1997 hit “Tubthumping” over and over and over. On the jukebox at their bar. Using the TouchTunes app.”
3. Zoom bombing, sneaky husband style
We’ve gone from photobombing to Zoom bombing. This just proves that, in times of adversity, we go back to the same old usual stuff.
“My husband has a new quarantine hobby of Zoom bombing my conference calls. The colleagues I’m meeting with always see him before I do. Never a dull moment in this household! #zoombombing #quarantine”
4. Bursting with ultrasound envy!
Looks like she’ll having a C-section whether she wants to or not. Just like John Hurt famously did in the first Alien movie!
“When my wife had an ultrasound for our first child I took a photo of the print out so she could send to friends and family on what’s app. Instead I sent her this xenomorph image and she sent it to everyone before realising what it was. She was not amused.”
5. She’s the best sister ever
Joanne Gannon’s boyfriend certainly has a family-oriented sense of humor. It’s even kid sister friendly!
6. Super Mario Bros. style
How can anyone get mad at this husband’s style sense? It’s got lots of powerup star power!
7. It’s an occasion that deserves to be honored
First time farting in front of your boyfriend? There’s a cake for that!
“My buddy’s girlfriend farted in front of him for the first time. He got a cake for the occasion.”
8. “Sometimes I text my wife the motivational quotes from her tampons when she has her period to try and cheer her up.”
When a tampon tells you to live fearlessly and walk like a champion, don’t pull the plug! ‘Cause daily tampon affirmations rule.
“Use the Flow luke, use the flow…”
9. “Dad bought mom a new mask”
What a mean dad. Looks like he kept it for himself.
“Looks like she about to drop a 20-minute guitar solo, and maybe some acid.”
10. This is what he sends his wife when she asks if their son is okay.
Kenny Deuss from Antwerp, Belgium became a dad two years ago. And look at him go – he’s already got an Instagram page full of photos that show just how much he’s mastered the art of the dad joke!
11. When hubby be stirrin’ up some drama
When Abe’s wife falls asleep in a public place, he doesn’t let that bother him. It’s just another opportunity for him to showcase his comedic talent!
12. She asked her husband for a Kleenix.
He was a good husband and did exactly as he was told. He walked over to the fridge, grabbed a clean “X” and presented it to her very proudly!
13. “My boyfriend woke me up and made me take this photo.”
This is totally worth being woken up for! Boyfriends come and go, but photos of your cat is for life.
14. Evolution of woman, according to an Animorphs fanboy
“My wife asked me to paint an oil portrait of her. This was the best I could come up with.”
This is pure perfection. Does anyone remember Animorphs?
15. Model boyfriend
She asked her boyfriend to show her pictures of the outfits that just arrived in the mail. She wasn’t quite expecting this, but hey – he really pulls off this gym bunny look!
16. True love, dad-style
“This is what true love looks like. My mom taking a picture of my dad acting like he’s stuck in the dryer.”
These parents are so much fun. Now take a photo of him sideways so it looks like he’s mid-spin!
17. A “Die Hard” language lesson
His son starting saying “yippie ki-yay” so he instinctively finished the quote, just like any born and bred American man would. At least the little boy is still saying “mother” as part of his new word of the day though, right?
18. “There are some advantages to being married for 15+ years.”
“Like you can scare your wife with the cardboard figure you found buried in the garage that she bought you five years ago.”
I would love to have a husband like this! Giving me permission to have Han Solo with me in my shower? Heck yeah!
19. “Wife vetoed my birth announcement design…”
Why would anyone veto these birth announcements? They’re absolutely hilarious!
“My nephew looks 100% like Richard Nixon but people get angry when I mention it. Luckily my wife sees it too.”
20. “My girlfriend is turning 32 soon…”
It might take you half a minute, but just go with it. You’ll get the half-witted joke!
“I actually threw a 30 seconds birthday party for my wife last year. We showed up at her friend’s house, everybody had cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday then the timer on my phone went off and we all left my wife sitting there trying to figure out what the hell just happened.”
21. The master of gift disguises
“My dad has always been a master of disguising gifts, and this year drilled a hole in a piece of wood to hide a ring box for my mom. The look of ‘too many years of this s**t’ is strong with this one.”
Poor mom. All those lines on her face are from the endless dad jokes she’s had to suffer through all these years!
“Your dad is brave, he gave her a weapon.”
22. “Told my wife that I don’t care what my coworkers think. I want this lunch bag.”
Hey, I want this lunch bag too! Want to go to the playground after school and fight for it?
“Interesting how when you’re young that’s a cool lunch bag, then you get older and it’s lame and childish, then you get even older and it’s cool again.”
23. “I found this from my husband in the bathroom lol…”
It’s just like what you’d find at the hotel. Except the hotel is a lot nicer about it!
“Does he have special towels for if he ends up murdering you? No way is he using the hanging white towels.”
24. “My brother has been photoshopping Skeletor into the background of random vacation pictures for over ten years.”
Obviously his wife never watched Masters of the Universe or played with Skeletor dolls growing up. ‘Cause she still hasn’t figured it out!
“I want to have this. someone who will do this with no remorse.”
25. “Laser fun”
Anndddd…guess who’s now single! Or at least, guess who’s sleeping on that couch tonight.
“Shared a bedroom my whole life growing up and I didn’t know what it was like to sleep on my own until I got married.”
26. “My girlfriend wasn’t happy I filled in her new picture frame”
Now that’s some Next Generation funny right there! Data would be proud of your humor chip.
27. “My boyfriend is taking care of my cat for me. I asked how it was going and he sent me this.”
Good idea. Make the cat use a pen so he can’t secretly change the score!
“Cats are damn cheaters, and if you let them use a pencil they will secretly change their scores. My grandpa used to do this, although he was not a cat.”
28. “I asked my husband to get a new leg for the garden flamingo….”
He did exactly as was told, and gave that flamingo a leg up! Now he can spy on the whole neighborhood and see what the dog next door is up to.
29. “I put a zombie face in front of our baby monitor. My wife was not happy when she checked on our baby in the middle of the night.”
Geez, what a lazy husband. He didn’t even bother to go the extra mile and make a looping video of the baby floating around in the air!
“Good prank, but I would murder you.”
30. “My husband thoroughly enjoyed the science museum”
You might want to get a second opinion from another crystal ball. This future doesn’t look so nice!
31. Panda-emic protection
He was jus following CDC guidelines and got himself some “panda pandemic protection.” His wife is taking it pretty seriously too, and is now completely social distancing herself from him!
“Am I the only person who looks at this and somehow sees Seth Rogen?”
32. “My wife keeps calling Jaffa Cakes biscuits. I made a 20cm/8 inch one to prove they’re cakes.”
Your wife’s plan worked like a charm! You made her one big effing biscuit there, my friend.
33. “My gf was not nearly as amused as I was”
Ugh, making coffee the butt of a joke is never funny. That’s enough to ruin anyone’s morning potty routine!
“I stopped drinking coffee for about half a year, but this past Sunday morning I drank 3 cups of it. A few hours later I completely messed my underwear while moving some furniture and it looked exactly like this.”
34. You’re over by the what?
Uh oh, now he’s in trouble. Where’s that again?
@And My Name Is:
“I am a long haul, and I know where this is. I have been there a few times. Delivering pipe mostly.”
“OK.. I had to google this.. and it is a place in British Columbia called Delta, with the postal code “VAGINA” V4G1NA . WHEN the pandemic is over, I am going to have to visit the Delta V4G1NA. LOL”
35. “Decided to surprise my girlfriend with a new shower curtain while she’s gone for the day. Hope I’m still home and not at work when she discovers it.”
Actually, you better hope you’re still at work when she discovers it. Because those won’t be screams of pleasure when she yells out your name!
“There’s a Facebook group called “The Same Photo of Jeff Goldblum Every Day” and it’s always been this picture for years.”
36. “Pleased with the efficiency of this shopping list I prepared for my wonderful wife.”
So when she comes home with bags of stuff Sephora and Macy’s, you won’t get mad, right? ‘Cause it’s technically on your “everything not in the fridge” list.
“If she goes to Lidl you are going to end up with a welder, horse riding helmet, children’s sandals, an ironing board cover and a little mermaid backpack.”
37. “I asked my boyfriend to join my Zoom meeting to critique my assignment presentation.”
OMG let’s do this! Let’s populate the fictional world of Zoom with a bunch of weirdos!
38. “I asked my husband how long the kitchen table is. This is what I got.”
Ah yes, the cycle of dad jokes is passed down to the next generation so that it can continue to perpetuate itself. This, ladies, is how little boys grow up to become your husband!
“Man, Americans will use anything but the metric system.”
39. “Just rearranged my wife’s maternity pillows. I’m ready to become a father.”
It’s probably best not to arrange them quite like that. Your wife might prefer to snuggle up and spoon with them instead of you!
40. “My wife’s family likes to take a photo together on Easter. I like to provide some minor alterations.”
Clearly you haven’t altered everything – the baby looks pretty well adjusted. But making the grass look greener so it matches that dress just makes the photo makes up for that!
41. “My brother snuck a picture of his girlfriend sleeping and put it on this year’s wrapping paper.”
Too bad for your brother. He’s never going to make it to see if 2021 turns out better than this year.
42. “My mom started coughing and my dad isn’t playing.”
Looks like he’s playing to me. He’s playing at that “sleeping on the couch” game that his wife won’t let end even after the pandemic is over.
43. “Feel free to tell me your favorite practical joke so I have some entertainment in the doghouse.”
This goofball left a “3D printed glow in the dark masterpiece on my wife’s pillow.” So naturally, he’s sleeping on the couch tonight.
“Fun fact. If you replace your light fixtures with black lights you don’t even need to 3D print a scorpion. You can just put a regular scorpion on her pillow and it will glow just the same.”
44. “When the wife asks you to do something…”
…you did it! Without question! But, this lavish display of wealth and opulance is making other people jealous.
45. Draw me like one of your French stick-figure girls
“My husband said “stay still, I’m gonna try to draw you” then he showed me this. I laughed so hard I almost threw up. Look at the FEET.”
Okay, so don’t take this the wrong way. But maybe you just have weird feet?
“I guess it just goes to show that he loves you the way you are. A long-haired hot-dog with weird feet and eyes on the side of your face like a flounder. Bless your union!”
46. “My husband took this picture of me this morning while I was trying to clean my glasses.”
Ah, so this is what a spider sees when they look at us. All the facial expressions are in agreement with each other!
“Your face says hi but your small face says hi“
47. The #wifehack
Just set some clean dishes out while your honey is away. It’s not like she’ll ever know the truth, right?
“Till she realizes you guys haven’t used the colander in weeks. BUSTED!”
48. It’s that serious…
If it’s the only thing that will help him survive, then you gotta do it! Let’s just hope you don’t have one of those booty’s to die for, ’cause that’ll just really complicate things.
49. “Coworker thinks her husband doesn’t take nice pics of her. This is his contact photo for her.”
Your furry coworker is right, doing upside-down tricks while showing your naughty bits is not the best contact photo choice for LinkedIN. But it certainly works for an OnlyFans account!
“Who wants the same bland picture where the only difference is the backdrop and the clothing? Pictures like this have way more character.”
50. “This legend picking someone up at the airport, and his unimpressed-looking wife.”
Wow, this is something I thought I’d never see in my lifetime. It’s the Grinch and Santa Claus posing next to each other in the same photo!
51. “Beware of wife.”
Don’t worry folks, you can let out a nice, deep sigh of relief. The dog is OK!
This is boomer humor at its best.
52. “My 68 y/o dad has quarantine “safe box”. He won’t give my mom the combination.”
Now that’s one safe worth breaking into. The only thing missing is the toilet paper.
“Tell your mom to look up lockpickinglawyer and learn what a shackle shim is. She’ll be in those snacks in 30 seconds tops.”
53. “Got my boyfriend this vintage pulsar calculator watch for Christmas. Waiting in line at Best Buy and he says he has something to show me.”
We have smartphones that can show us anything we want on the internet. But there’s nothing like OG 8-bit 8008IES!
“Total class move. Marry him.”
54. “My gf asked me to get Terry Crews in bed with her, so I got this pillowcase made.”
Looks like your girlfriend just got Terry Screwed. And you probably did too, since you’ll probably end up tootin’ your own horn on the couch with Terry Crews.
55. “It has been a year, and my wife still has not noticed I changed the dining room outlet cover.”
Of course she didn’t notice. Blow-up doll wives don’t have a brain, silly.
“When the cheque clears and she’s allowed to travel over from Thailand you can show her.”
56. “My wife’s aunt made a turkey for Thanksgiving, and I thought it looked familiar. I am now blocked for tagging her in this.”
I will never look at a Thanksgiving frog the same way ever again.
“It was worth the block.”
“Honestly. I mean this is hilarious but we need an explanation as to why the turkey looks that way.”
57. “My wife like dino nuggets and it was her birthday.”
Sooooo…. you gave her a ginormous chicken nugget for her birthday? The kid in me has been dreaming of something like this since forever!
58. “I put a rake in our flag holder to see how long it would take my wife to say something. It’s been three days.”
You’ll probably be waiting for a while. Some things are just so stupid that they’re just not even worth mentioning.
“Jokes on you, your wife saw you do it. She counting how long you can keep from asking her if she saw it.”
59. “Wife asked for ice cream. Hers is beans. I’m a terrible person.”
Cool beans! Don’t forget to put some sprinkles on top to earn some extra brownie points.
“Let it sit in the freezer a bit for the bonus mindf**k.”
60. “My husband made lunch for me today.”
It’s the perfect human diet – fruit, pastries, and Pringles. The only thing missing is the wine cooler.
“He didn’t eat the Pringles but gave em to you… that says love.“
61. “I asked for a nice razor for my birthday from my boyfriend, engraving was a free optional extra!”
True love like that is so extra! Lucky for him, that 70’s adult film star look is still out of fashion.
“Guy named Pubes starts sweating…”
62. “After 45 years Jim is in charge of making the bed every morning. I don’t think he knows what to do with the extra pillows.”
To be fair, no one really knows what those extra pillows are for. I just toss them on the floor and use them as stepping stones so the hot lava doesn’t get me on the way to the bathroom.
63. “Prank war between me and my girlfriend. She’s going to kill me when she grabs her lunch in the morning.”
Okay, you win this round. But what happens come bedtime when she insists on wearing that mask for some sexy cosplay? Guess who just screwed themselves.
“Just got the text “JERK! My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I opened the fridge!” She’s leaving it in there for when her daughter wakes up. This is why I love her.”
64. “Did this Christmas day, girlfriend still hasn’t noticed”
She’s too busy looking for a new roommate on Craigslist. Preferably one that doesn’t decorate their pet cactus with googly eyes.
“Oh, she’s noticed she just hasn’t said anything because she’s accepted you into her life. Who is she to judge you.”
65. “My wife told me to put nice pillow cases on the bed. A slave obeys. A man chooses…”
That life-size Gear of War 2 cutout says that you’re not really married, and probably haven’t even made it to first base. Nice try, though!
66. “Mom photographed a boudoir session; the groom secretly recreated the photos.”
“On the wedding day, the bride began sending him flirty pics…and he would send the same photo back of himself. Fast forward to today, he got this blanket made as a Christmukkah gift for her.”
She’s taking up more than half the bed. Seems legit!
67. “Inspired by similar signs I’ve seen here, this was my wife’s birthday gift.”
And his running mate the cat? He loves boxes of all shapes, sizes, and colors!
68. “My wife’s ultrasound (twins!!)”
Well, that finally settles the “who shot first” debate from the Star Wars cantina scene. It was obviously Greedo who popped off the first volley!
69. “My husband graced me with this thoughtful valentine’s day card this morning. Best card I ever got.”
Ah yes, the power of boobies. They’re can make grown men forget their own names and turn into a-holes!
“I lost track somewhere after seeing your boobs.”
70. “Got my wife a 2020 edition birthday cake.”
Hope it doesn’t taste like one of those Valentine’s hearts. ‘Cause then Satan really wins!
“I’m pretty sure even Satan’s fed up with all the bulls**t this year.”
71. “My girlfriend and I have an ongoing argument about which direction the toilet paper roll should face. Today I’ve decided to assert my dominance with a padlock.”
Way to go! You even padlocked it so that it’s facing the correct way.
“Congratulations: now you have to change the toilet paper 100% of the time.”
72. “My girlfriend wanted to get a boob job. I told her I had a cheaper solution.”
Well, there is a bright side to all of this. At least you know you have a backup when she slashes your tires!
“Works particularly well if your girlfriend was previously inflatable.”
73. “My girlfriend had a poster of Ed Sheeran and I have a big printer and a great sense of humour (took her two hours to notice).”
She hasn’t said anything because she likes her new poster boy. But if you want to really make her happy, photoshop Ed Sheeran’s face onto your t-shirt so she can get two poster boys at once.
74. “Wife told me to stop buying junk food and eat more vegetables…. Marriage is about compromise.”
Wow, you must really love your wife. Cucumber-flavored chips go beyond mere compromise – that’s total sacrilege against your taste buds!
“My girlfriend likes them, but they are pretty nasty. Imagine eating a cucumber that was not only totally dry, but actually absorbed moisture.”
75. “Today I babysat my son for the first time while his mother was out.”
Better watch out, the grammar police are going to get you for saying “babysat.” Totally understandable since it’s your first time.
“The graphic depiction of a mob hit against Big Johnny Thumb-Sucker was apparently nothing compared to the shock and horror that was felt in response to the choice of terminology in the title.”
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Lazy People Solutions That Defy Common Sense
There’s the right way of doing things, and then there’s the wrong way of doing things. But how can a solution be wrong when it’s faster? This is how.
Every day, we go through small internal battles. We argue with ourselves over doing things right or doing things fast. The 40 people ahead all opted to do things fast. And the consequences came even faster as a result!
It’s as good as new.
If you look closely, you’ll be able to see that some of the column uses new wood. Thanks to this restoration, the roof that the column’s holding up should stay in place for weeks. Warning: Do not play Jenga with this!
For once, the sockets are making the right expression
Drilling metal screws into the plugs? What could possibly go wrong? The weird thing about this one is that it actually took some effort to do something so stupid.
Calm down, there’s some plastic tape. No one could possibly walk over the gap with that tape in place. Right?
10+ People That Had No Idea How Attractive They Were Until They Worked To Improve Themselves
Sometimes when your health is out of balance you can’t see yourself clearly. When people struggle with something physical, like weight, they can’t always see how beautiful they really are. These people didn’t even realize how attractive they were until they worked on themselves, but now they can celebrate their appearances every day.
These 30 people have powerful stories, and their transformations are absolutely amazing. Their messages are so inspiring.
“I lost 100 lbs, and I feel great.”
“It took me 2 years and 3 months to get in shape. It sounds like a lot of time, but it was well worth it.”
“I made true friends, and they helped me to have a more active lifestyle. That’s how I managed to lose weight. Now I can communicate with any person.”
“The difference between these 2 photos is 4 years. And I was even used to not enjoying what I looked like.”
“Me when I was 19 and 21.”
“I was depressed because of the way I looked. I didn’t even want to live. But I decided that I was able to change everything, so I started losing weight… I feel great, and I’m enjoying my life!”
“I didn’t use to be really fat. I had a hard time choosing the right hairstyle.”
“I used to weigh 60 lb, now I weigh 90, and I keep working on my body.”
“3 years between these photos. Some people don’t believe that it’s me.”
“So much has changed in 3 years! Before, I didn’t get out much. I was very shy. Now we live in a time when changing your appearance is very easy.”
“Just 4 years, and this is what I’ve become (I’m on the right).”
“I didn’t do anything special, but I’m not ugly anymore.”
“I restored what was destroyed by 20 years of McDonald’s and Coke.”
“15 months later I finally have a chin! Now I’m doing everything I can to maintain my weight.”
“I lost 100 lb, and I keep working on my body.”
“The difference is just 4 years. I was a nerd, and now I’m a macho.”
“The difference between these photos is 25 months. I had always been fat, so I decided that I could lose weight.”
“My weight was 330 lb when I finally decided to start losing weight… But now I have a new goal — 180 lb. I’ve started my way to it! I wish you luck too.”
“The difference between these photos is 20 months. I lost weight, and now I’m not shy about the natural structure of my hair.”
“This is my progress.”
“Now I am 25, I lost 120 lb, and I work out every day.”
“This is my boyfriend at the age of 16 and 21. It’s hard to tell that it’s the same person.”
“I knew I owed it to my son to try to break the family tree of obesity. There are so many compromises to being an obese parent: I was simply forfeiting the ability to participate in so many wonderful moments.”
“As the pounds started to come off, I noticed a change, but others didn’t — until the day I appeared outside of my office standing up.”
“My goal is to train and inspire people to show them that the weight loss is possible.”
“My dad pushed me and motivated me to start working out. He would tell me he wanted me to be around for a long time.”
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50 Cringeworthy Fashion Fails We Can’t Believe People Didn’t Notice
Not all of us are fashion experts. This is why we try to experiment and mix and match clothes to see if we can look more stylish. Unfortunately, the more we try to look more fashionable, the more we end up failing. The risky fashion choice we make often leaves us looking ridiculous and weird in other people’s eyes.
Fortunately, fashion disasters aren’t always bad. In fact, they can be transformed into little entertainment and also a warning for others to never try to copy them.
Here are the most cringe-worthy fashion fails you need to see this year:
1. Brown logo on white shoes
In theory, putting a brown logo on a white background will make a product look classy. In reality, a brown logo on white shoes just looks like bird poo from afar.
2. A not-so-comfortable evening dress
This is probably one of the most uncomfortable dresses you’ll see. I don’t think you’ll have a great time wearing this to a party or anywhere.
3. When you accidentally stepped on something
This is actually a good pair of shoes if you always walk on mud or dirt. You won’t have to worry about cleaning your shoes. Plus, its design can work as camouflage for when you accidentally stepped on your dog’s poo.
Will you give up or will you never give up? Well, it’s a good shirt to wear if you still can’t decide. At least, you’re letting other people know where you stand.
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